Stop Killing Your Pets/Transcript

(Title shows "Sockpuppet Theatre".)

Jonas Sock: Welcome to SockPuppet Theatre. I am your host, Jonas Sock. On the internet, a sock puppet is an ultimate account that lets people post anonymously and that's where we get our drama. Your comments, your Flame Wars, your internet meltdowns turned into scripts and performed by sock puppets. How mitter.

(Title shows "Stop Killing Your Pets.")

Jonas Sock: Tonight's episode, "Stop Killing Your Pets" as found on YouTube.

(Screen fades into black and the screen shows the girl with her computer that has YouTube in her office.)

Girl: Hi, this video is my puppy, Lily and she's 7-months-old and she looooooooooooooooves potato chips. (laughs)

(The girls plays her video of Lily eating spicy potato chips, and everyone looks at the video.)

Girl with Cats: What a cutey. Wait until you see her dying of stomach cancer you FUCKING IDIOT!!!

(Screen skips into the man with glasses in the computer lab.)

Man with Glasses: Actually, spicy foods can kill cancer cell by achondria.

(Screen skips into the girl with cats.)

Girl with Cats: Hot spices destroy your bladder and create deadly bleeding ulcers. Believe me, I've no people who died from too much spicy foods and dogs, too!

(Screen skips into the man with glasses.)

Man with Glasses: I'm gonna need to see some documentation; hot spices do not create ulcers.

(Screen skips into the girl with cats.)

Girl with Cats: How 'bout I pour hot sauce onto your eyeballs? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE THAT?!!!

(Screen skips into the girl from office.)

Girl: Um, why don't people like this? Ugh, I am super confused.

(Screen skips into the girl with cats.)

Girl with Cats: You people who posted this discust me to know it. WAKE THE FUCK UP AND STOP KILLING YOUR PETS!!!

(Screen skips into the man with glasses.)

Man with Glasses: It's just a potato.

(Screen skips into the girl with cats.)

Girl with Cats: It's not just a potato; IT IS POISON TO A DOG!!

(Screen skips into the man with glasses.)

Man with Glasses: I'm in my third year of veterinarian science that I can tell now that is not.

(Screen skips into the girl with cats.)

Girl with Cats: Oh, do you want a cookie, you fucking retard?!

(Screen skips into the red soldier with his computer.)

Soldier: This asshole has been reported and I have some friends in the neighborhood where they live! Things will be done with. (shook his head faster)

(Screen skips into the man with his computer who has dogs in his bed.)

Man with Dogs: Goddamn, people, it's a fucking chip. Sure it might dispass and might not be the best thing for the dog, but I seriously thought this is the only food that dog gets. Jeez, you people gotta relax.

(Screen skips into the soldier.)

Soldier: FUCK THIS ASSHOLE!! She doesn't deserve to have a dog or even be alive! I'd be happy to take care of these worthless fucks!

(Screen skips into the girl from office.)

Girl: I think this is cute.

(Screen skips into the girl with cats.)

Girl with Cats: So, you find it amusing to make a puppy sick for entertainment purposes? Wow, hope you never have kids, you STUPID SON OF A BITCH!!

(The girl from office, man with dogs, and man with glasses looks at the girl with cats on the computer. Screen cuts into the girl with cats.)

Girl with Cats: I guess I forgot to mention that I am in proud bitch and I do stand up for what is right and protest what is wrong! BRING - IT - ON!!

(The man with dogs, the man with glasses, and the girl from office looks at girl with cats on the computer again. Screen cuts into the girl with cats.) 

Girl with Cats: Alright, I have nothing left to say, except that you're not worthy of my precious time. I could care less what you think or say to me.

(Screen skips into the man with glasses.)

Man with Glasses: Oh my god, do you ever shut up?

(Screen skips into the girl with cats.)

Girl with Cats: I live my life for me and my fiance and my pets. Not for stupid people like you! You have a wonderful day!

(Screen skips into the girl from office.)

Girl: Okay. Good luck with life. Heh, judging by your profile; make sure you're gonna need it.

(The End)